Keep your chunks out of my sauce YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE

There are some things in life that are just plain terrible: Nazis, crying babies on airplanes, snakes on airplanes and condomeeza rice, just to name a few. Now picture a flying, snake-wielding jew-gassing cunnileeza and you’ve almost achieved a level of terrible on par with chunky pizza sauce.

There is nothing worse than desicrating a fresh, piping-hot pizza with old, stewed tomato chunks that burst forth with their acidic month-old pulpy bile. When I lovingly bite down into a slice of ambrosia, and my teeth pass through the delicious meat and cheese layers and are then ambushed by some mushy, squishy piece of decomposing vegetable corpse, it makes me want to punch myself in the brain.

That is all.

  5 comments for “Keep your chunks out of my sauce YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE

  1. Erica
    April 13, 2006 at 7:34 am

    Are you equally opposed to tomatoes (fresh ones) on pizza? I’m not partial to the chunky sauce.. but I rather have a chunky sauce than not enough at all.

  2. Juicetice
    April 13, 2006 at 7:52 am

    If you want fresh tomatos as a topping that is your call. I’d rather have no sauce than chunky. VIVA LA REVOLUCION

  3. April 13, 2006 at 8:16 am

    It seems to me as though fresh tomatoes on top of pizza turn to stewed tomatoes upon cooking, and that does not fly for me.

  4. April 13, 2006 at 9:13 am

    I generally do not like chunky sauce. It might be more helpful to construct a generalized case:

    I generally do not like XXX.

    Where ‘XXX’ is almost any food.

  5. Philtheo
    April 18, 2006 at 1:53 pm

    I agree with Schulte, I generally do not like XXX, except in the case where XXX refers to a movie rating.

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