Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, Chinese dude gotta turn into a tiger at midnight.

Truer words were never spoken at pizza club.

Life is routine. We plod through it at an even pace, living weekend to weekend, saving here and scratching there to make ends meet. We watch our shows, play our sports, and look at internet porn. At the same time, crazy big important life changes occur all around us, and sometimes to us. Be it something wonderful like a new Yaris, house, spouse, or job–or something terrible like a new Yaris, death, DUI, or when a hobo poops in your shoe–in the midst of our routine, tremendous events occur that can change our lives forever (dramatic!)!

Pizza Club is a microcosm of life; every month we meet at the HQ to play games, drink beers (or Zima in Phil’s case) and eat pizza. Here and there we take small chances on pizza joints–but by and large, when going into a Pizza Club meeting we all know what we’re in for. We’re content with our routine. Every once in a while, though, that hobo gets ahold of your shoe.

For a few months in late 2007, The Club was marred by series of unfortunate events. Lackluster pizza, poor attendance and lame after-party, resulted in a general feeling of seething hatred for PC and it’s Commish. Our once-pleasant routine was shifting towards mediocrity, or worse; Dominos. “Fair-weather” members were dropping like flies. Hardened veterans, disgruntled and bitter, sat in the HQ and retold stories of the “good old days” of 2006. The fate of Pizza Club hung in the wind, poised to precariously plummet at moment’s notice. All seemed lost.

Somewhat suddenly(!), an event occured that changed the Pizza Club forever. (see how this is kinda working back into the whole PC is like life bit?) The PC Commish, in his finite wisdom, saw that things were looking dim, and decided to hold an unprecedented second club meeting in the month of December. At the core of the meeting was a blockbuster hit movie starring the Fresh Prince and a gaggle of zompires. The film would no doubt re-invigorate the huddled PC masses, and lead them not into temptation (to quit Pizza Club), but deliver them from evil (of quitting Pizza Club). The pizza consumption was but an afterthought. Where would we dine? Green Mill or Old Chicago mayhap? These places would be average, true, but good enough to placate attendees before the movie reeled them back into PC’s inviting pantaloons. A safe choice, no doubt… But well-behaved women rarely make history. The Commish didn’t quite know what words like “placate” and “average” meant, but he did know that they weren’t good enough for a club for discerning lovers of pizza, and clubs!

In a last-ditch effort at greatness, the Commish made the call. The one call to rule them all. “Aurelio’s!” he proclaimed, quite racistly. And so a few steadfast members, ragged and worn, drove from far and wide to a little-known, sleepy strip-mall, somewhere in the great frozen tundra of the north. Nestled next to the daycare and the liquor store, they found Aurelio’s pizza parlor. With little hope, they trudged through the muck and mire of the parking lot, mildly annoyed at life and fully prepared for terribleness.

Children, what happened next on that cold, December night was nothing short of a Christmas Pizza Miracle. What they found inside was a warm, inviting parlor, with delicious pizza that was fit for kings. Large, square-cut pies, teeming with ingrediants, were layed out before them. The pizzas featured a not-too-thin crust that was robust enough to support the slice but not so bold as to tip the delicate balance between succulent sauce and gooey cheese. And the pizza felt like home. And the steaming deliciousness reminded one and all of the true meaning of Christmas Pizza Club. What we do here is more than just eating, drinking and games! Pizza club is about spending time with friends and family! It’s about making time to share a slice of good life with one another. Sure, the pizza may sometimes be dull, and the entertainment wanting, but never forget; hobo shit happens, but don’t lose hope, because the next Aurelio’s is just around the corner. So carry on my wayward sons! There’ll be pizza when you are done. Lay your weary fork to rest, don’t you cry…no more!

-Adro
p.s. the movie kind sucked.

  3 comments for “Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, Chinese dude gotta turn into a tiger at midnight.

  1. January 4, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Here here! This is the sort of thing that breathes new life, not into The Club, but into all members. We must take care with this sort of power, as this, is the sort of alchemy that could squeeze life into the cold hardened souls of the dead. Thank you sir, for this excellent review.

  2. Erica
    January 4, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    *tear*

    Man that was beautiful. I’d never wish a Yaris on anyone.

  3. nater
    January 5, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Wow.

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